change is inevitable

Oy. Today has been overall overwhelming. No baby yet, and all is still good. I just feel like everything came at me all at once.

Yesterday I started to have a lot of contractions again, much like I had a few weeks ago. Now knowing the difference between real and fake ones, I didn't worry too much. Al finished writing his thesis, so we went out to a nice dinner and enjoyed actually seeing each other--it's been awhile! Clear through dinner, contractions persist. I spent a good portion of the night awake because of these contractions, some of them actually hurting--but nothing regular or timeable. I got up this morning and got ready for work, a bit grouchy because I was supossed to go to a training today, but I didn't get to because of a shortage of subs (meaning that my carpool was all going to Yakima except for one person who I couldn't get ahold of to let him know that I was coming to work). I went to meet my carpool, but had decided that if he wasn't there, I wasn't going to work, because I wasn't about to drive myself 50 miles each way for fear of going into labor/veering off the road due to a nasty contraction and being completely exhausted. He is apparently sick today, hence why I couldn't get ahold of him, so I had no carpool. I came home and called my principal and told him what was going on, and that I wouldn't be coming in today. I called the doctor's office, and he wrote me a note to take me off of work due to complications.

So I'm done. I'm not working anymore. Part of me is really really sad--as soon as I called to tell them that I wouldn't be coming back (except for the last day of school--if possible), they asked for my resignation letter so that they could post my position--I told my principal(s) that I wouldn't be coming back next year on Monday. I love my job, and it makes me really sad to not be going back. At the same time, I'm relieved--contractions are still persisting, and I was getting to the point where I was just tired no matter what. I needed to stop, and since I have the option, it's probably better. But writing my resignation letter and being done is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don't know when I'll be teaching again--I'm going to look for a job over in Seattle, but who knows if I'll find one. Plus I didn't get to say goodbye to my kids, as I expected to be back today.

I guess this means that I can focus on other things. I feel like we've been in survival mode for the last couple of months, just going from day to day hoping to make it to the next one without cracking, with me being exhausted and stressed and Al being exhausted and stressed and busy, so now that we're both sort of finishing this last little bit we can start to focus on where we're trying to go. Which is pretty exciting, really, even if it's scary. Really scary. So baby, moving, Seattle, Ph.D., who knows what else, here we come!!